prayer and perspective.

"God's 'no' is not keeping you from something good, but protecting you from something harmful." Lloyd Shadrack

This guy's name is great. His quote is even greater. For it is only at the point where we fully believe, understand, and live that quote that we can see life through God's eyes which therefore gives us a correct view of our situation. I wish I could say that is the perspective I have on my life right now. But I can not. Do I believe that quote? Yes. Do I understand that quote? Partially. Do I live that quote? No.

The next four days I am going to take a step back from life and try to grasp a new perspective of God and what He is doing in my life. I am headed to a friend's house in the mountains of NH where it is my aim to spend a lot of time reading the Bible, in prayer and in silence. I am excited about this time and strangely fearful at the same time. I am afraid of spending time with God again. In fact, I hate to admit it, but I have enabled myself to get so busy the past three weeks with traveling for the holidays and a friend visiting from out of town that I have not sat down to think of any New Year's resolutions or spent any time in whole-hearted prayer or reading the Word. I think I was under 13 the last time I didn't start a year on track doing my devotions every day and I am embarrassed to have to admit I have not done any for the first 10 days of this year. I want to confess that sin to you and ask you to challenge me to make sure I don't ever get "too busy" again. I wish I could say I will make up for it in the next 4 days, since I will be spending a lot of time in the Word, but I can not since both should be a reality in my life. It is my hope that my view of God is challenged and correctly aligned where it should be, my view of myself and my sinfulness is seen in its disgusting reality, and the greatness of the Gospel that bridges the two in perfect, beautiful harmony is expanded.

I ask you all to pray for me these next four days. I won't be completely alone the whole time (as I had hoped) but I will have chunks of time alone and I will have unexpected quality time connecting with Christian friends who I don't get to see often who can pray with me, encourage me and speak into my life. (And hopefully God will allow me to do the same back to them.)

Please, pray for me as I seek direction for where God is calling me, what He is calling me to do, and to clarify my purpose in this season of life. Dropping out of school and being single is still an adjustment that I did not foresee and so I am asking God to show me more of His eternal perspective of the events of the past six months and to put my heart and mind at peace. I also ask you to pray Satan away from me. The past couple of days he has been attacking my mind to go places I do not want to go and do things I do not want to do. I see that as a foreshadowing that God is going to meet me. I am terrified at what His immense power and holiness will do to me and awestruck by the fact He wants to meet sinful ol' me at the same time. So, bring it on! The last time I had four days alone with God was in August in NH and the time before that the previous August in Anchorage. Both times I did not spend as much of the time meeting with God as I desired, so pray I am not distracted by petty things and that I seek His heart, mind and Spirit through all things, even time with my friends. Thanks! I'll let you know any updates along the way if I feel led or just a recap at the end!