the self-contradictory extrovert

Tonight I did the unthinkable. Tonight I choose to stay home... alone. I had somewhere to go (a party) and yet I choose not to. The extreme extrovert that I am contradicted my inner nature. What led to this inconsistancy in character? I am glad you asked, because I am dying to share! :)

Today started as any normal day, I woke up at 5:30am (ok, that early is not normal, but waking up is!) and was on the road by 6am headed to the Ranch for work. I was scheduled to work until 2:30 after lunch was cleaned up. I got to the Ranch and found out that the group this weekend was a small Father/Daughter retreat. Around 1:30 I was almost done cleaning up lunch and was excited to get off early because I had arranged with some of the other staff to do the high ropes course (complete with zipline through the trees!) which I have never done before! As I am sweeping the floor a man comes in and asks for my boss, Mike, to get someone to drive his friend who had surgery in the golf cart to the ropes course to watch his daughter. Mike is off on a trail ride with some of the campers and instructs me to do so.

The only typical interaction I have with the weekend guests is "one taco or two" so this called for a more in depth conversation. As I drove these two men to the high ropes course I asked them some questions. I found out that they were from a private Christian school north of Dallas. They found out I was from Boston and as I've come to expect, "What (in blazes) brought you to East Texas?!" I told them about Shannon Ethridge and the internship program designed to help me become a more godly woman and help me gain insight into the writing/speaking arena. With that the one father asked me, "Do you know Sheila Walsh?" I thought, "yes, I love her!!!," but I responded with, "yes, I have been to two Woman of Faith conferences". He simply said, "That's neat. Her son goes to this school and is in the class with my older child. She is a great speaker, isn't she?" I said, "yes." We got sidetracked as the other father and I began talking of Boston but I couldn't get Sheila out of my mind. Should I say something to him? Should I write her a letter and give it to him to give to her? Should I drop it altogether?

You see, when I back my story up, back before moving to Texas, even back before going to Moody, back to the Fall of 2003, there was Sheila. Sheila is the reason I am even contemplating writing or speaking. In the Fall of 2003 my Mom and her friends were going to a Woman of Faith conference and someone couldn't go last minute so they had an extra ticket. They asked if I wanted to go. Initially, I didn't, but no one else claimed the ticket and I found out a few of my younger friends from camp were going so I said, "why not?" I had no idea how that one event would change the direction of my life.

That event opened my eyes to a whole new realm of what women can do. But even more than that, it opened my eyes to what God can do! I saw 16,000+ women worshipping Jesus together and hearing encouraging stories of what God has done in the lives of the speakers. We laughed, cried, and were amazed almost on a permanent rotation every 5 minutes. At that event I heard God say, "Suze, I want you to do women's ministry." (Now, at this point I already knew I wanted to do ministry but at that time was thinking worship, youth or camp ministry.) Now, if you knew me at 19 you probably would have laughed at that thought just as much as I did. At that point I was still a tomboy, barely wore any makeup, loved sports and hated pink, lace, floral print and doilys. I had seen what the women do for women's events in church and it did not look like fun to me. I was the last person who wanted to do "women's ministry". But when the women, particularly Sheila, spoke my heart burned. Sheila also sings which was neat since I long to do both as well.

Well, that WoF conference is what led me to find a college with a women's ministry degree program, which is how I found Moody, and the continuation of that call led me to Texas. So after about 15 minutes talking to random fathers around the high ropes course, it clicked. Sheila is pretty much the reason I am in Texas at this moment. (Beyond God, of course!) Woah. And now I was a one person connection away from meeting her... I think I would be a fool to pass this up.

"Hey, you said you know Sheila pretty well, right?"
"Yes, ma'am. Her and her husband come over our house often. They're really nice."
"If I wrote her a letter, would you give it to her for me?"
"You betcha! I am sure she would love to hear about what you're pursuing and get together with you..." He proceeded to give me his email and phone number and told me about an event at the school coming up she is speaking at.

Stunned. [God, why do you love me?]

You see, from the blog I posted yesterday, I shouldn't have been stunned. Yesterday, I spent time with God. I walked with God just to be with Him. I spent over an hour on the South Tyler Trails just walking arm in arm with my Love. And like I said in that post, it was not for the sake of getting anything from Him which is why we typically spend time with Him. I simply knew He longed to be with me and so I went to be with Him.

God didn't have to bless me today with this gift. Even if I don't meet Sheila, I know it was God saying to me, "Suze, thank you for walking with me yesterday to show me you love me. Here is something to show you how much I love you back. I want you to meet my other daughter. She is someone you never would have dreamed of meeting who has been so foundational for your calling and who will inspire you to keep stepping. I love you."

With that, BE ENCOURAGED. It brings tears to my eyes how God orchestrates things and we don't trust Him or believe that He is. Earlier this week I was discouraged and wondering if I am even walking the right path, if I even should have moved here, and I asked for a sign... I think I got one!

God is doing similar things in your life. And He will light up how the things connect at just the right time! Wait for Him. But be actively waiting. Actively "be"ing with Him! Be with Him in the wait! If you're not with Him, how is He going to tell you when it it time to take the next step?!

(This blog is already too long, but I also found out today that the Ranch camp which was started in 97 had one cook until a couple months ago when they hired someone to help her out since she was getting old. They worked together a month before the original cook decided she needed to quit altogether. That is where I came in. And as some of you know, when I first move to Texas and sent this camp my resume they replied with "sorry, we don't have any positions open right now." The very next day is when the head cook resigned and they called me. God put me there for a reason. And God put this group there for a reason. There is a really neat story about why this group has their retreats at this little ranch camp and not one of the two mega camps in the area that also blows my mind to show God's sovereignty. Because that decision was made two years ago! He put this into effect two years ago, maybe longer!)

God is truly sovereign. Believe that. He can bring anyone into your life He desires to and can (and does, and IS!) working all the smallest details of your life to bring Him glory!!! Amen?! Amen.

Haha. I never got to why I stayed home tonight. Well, after the guy gave me his info, I flew through the high ropes course (which was a lot easier knowing God had a plan beyond that moment, I believed I wasn't going to die no matter that I was 60 feet in the air and held only by a small cable, and so I flew around that thing!) and then it was too late for horseback riding so I drove home. On the way home I thought to myself, I just want to go be with Jesus! More "be"ing! I longed for Him more than people. That truly is a HUGE step if you know me at all! So that is what I did! I stayed home with Him tonight. We went stargazing on my car and then I just sang my love out for Him! I was belting out worship songs at the top of my lungs (one of the good things of being in the middle of the country and having no neighbors!). And I am so excited to go to church tomorrow to celebrate what God did for me this week and share the good news with my new friends!